As stated in my opening blog post, I am a single mother of a 13 year old boy. I always made it a point to stay on top of his learning. While I was carrying him, I was faced with a very tough decision; to put him up for adoption or make a go of it on my own. Others I spoke to would say things like, "I couldn't live with myself if I gave up my child" or, "I just love him/her too much, I can't give him/her up." For me, it was never about me. My poor decision making is what got me into that mess in the first place. What made me think I could do any better?? My son. That was it. I didn't seem to have the guts to take care of me, but I knew I wasn't going to screw up his life because of my inability to make wise choices. Who was I to take that away from him?
Especially for my own selfish love of him!? I love this boy. I always have. But it was never a question of whether or not I loved him. It was a question of, if I love him so much, am I willing to do whatever it takes to make sure he grows up into a good man? That included giving him to a better home and family. If I couldn't provide it, I was going to make damned sure someone would. Loving him is easy. Living up to the responsibilities of that love....not so easy. Part of that responsibility is teaching him how to learn (vs what to learn).
I was far from a disciplinarian, but I worked with him at home from a very young age. Life itself presents innumerable opportunities to teach with and learn from. By the time he went into the public education system for kindergarten, he was reading and writing at a third grade level. He was a shoo-in for the gifted and talented programs, which I didn't even know existed. I still taught and worked with him at home. He traveled and went to work with me. He was put to work a little bit here and there. He excelled in his schooling.
Everything changed when he was in fifth grade. Halfway through the year, I finally left the horrible marriage I was in. I left everything. My business, my home, my friends... My family, God bless them, stepped in to help with the transition and took my son for the rest of the year so he could finish school in the same area and I could have a few months to try to get back on my feet in a new life. I stopped working with him. And guess what....he started slipping. When I say slipping, I mean falling behind. Within six months, he was below his grade levels.
I know my boy is smart. Very smart. One of those, where I need to keep his mind occupied or he starts to behave incredibly stupidly. Now I am up against hormones and peers, too. I had him in a private school and he started to climb back up. He seemed to be doing great. Then my past life caught up with us again and the private school was no longer an option. The public school district lines we live in, currently, have us in one of the "worst" schools in the district, but we have no options in the public system. It is ruled by demographics, geographics, and quotas.
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